Time restraints in youth work

Almost a year since my last post- i'm not very good at this blogging thing! Anyway; as part of my prep for uni i have been reading the book 'Working with young people' as yet its been quite interesting and has made me think about my values and the reason i do the things i do. Tonight i have been reading about time restraints in youth work and how often due to funding young people dont actually get the guidence they came for in the first place. It made me think, if you are running a 12 week program in an area, you end up only just skimming the surface of the problems in the area. This target driven work seems to me to be a short term fix almost like putting a plaster over the problem, if we are going to work in a certain area we need to have time to get to know the young people, allow time for trust and relationships to develop before we can start to work through some of the things that needed to be addressed. Personally i think that youth work shouldnt be about quick fixes but rather the long term effects that the work will have on the surrounding community as well as the young people.

Short rant over and im sure that i will end up developing this into an assignment at some point but i will leave you with a a quote that sums up for me:

Im about the process of getting this young person from here to somewhere and if that takes more than 12 weeks so be it... every young person i work with is more than worth my time and effort.

God as our Father

It is currently almost 2 am and again i cant sleep! Though in this not sleeping i have been deep in though...
I dont have much to back up this though and really it is mealy an observation...
Background info:As part of my course i needed to find a youth work placement, this is easier said than done, but i have one and i will be working for/with Kings Church (its quite like Arun but scale it up !!! then up again!)

In this i was thinking about young people and their journey with Christ, and then something that the youth worker said about the congregation having a lot of single parents.

I know that for me personally the thought of seeing God as my Father when my dad on Earth who isnt such a great role model was hard, though i strongly believe my dad loves me we have never had the best relationship. (air go)This is something Jim asked me to talk about to a church in Bristol once, after i had done so about 10 people came up to me and said they had also struggled with seeing God as their Father due to one reason or another. If the rate of single parents is rising (for whatever reason) this surely means that this issue will be arising a lot more within our youth and small groups... How are we going to deal with this? What is the best way of dealing with this very personal issue?

There you go 2am ramblings i hope you can make sense of them because i cant!

2pm edit: what i was trying to get at is the fact that with an increasing amount of single mothers there will be a generation who find it hard to relate to God as their Father as they cant relate to their Earthy father figure...

5 Year Plan

I have been thinking about the training i want to have achieved within 5 years, so yes it is a long time but its a start.

BA Hons in Youth and Community Work
My BSL (British Sign Language) level 1&2
Councilor's course
Restraints course
First Aid course

I'm sure many more will add to the list but that is a start...

Difference in culture

This is just an observation but young people this side of the world are hugely different to the ones at home. I first noticed it in tween magazines in Hong Kong a girl no older than 12 was posing in a very small swimsuit with huge amounts of make up on. This was my first extreme. Thailand is completely different, I have seen no teenagers on the streets unless they are begging, everyone is very modestly covered with very little skin showing. Even the American’s at the school have taken up this cultural difference its very different to home small western style tops are available but not worn by the locals. I have also noticed there is a lot more respect here for your elders, its crazy how the world evolves in different ways. Its almost fascinating. Another thing I have picked up is no one had the same competitive fighting spirit we have at home things like playing a simple game you cheer and you get a very funny look.

Photo

This is in response to a photo Jon posted a few weeks ago... i thought it was funny, please take note of the small hearts

Gun and knife crime

Last night I watched a program on gun and knife crime amongst Britain’s teenagers, as it appears channel 4 are hosting a series of these programs at 11 each night. What it entailed was members from different youth agencies, the police, councillors, anyone who works with these 'gangs' putting across their experiences to the board, this board was or government officials as far as I’m aware. Watching it I was amazed by the diversity of projects in these local run down areas of Manchester and Leeds, most projects had no funding what so ever and were purely running from the founders own funds. What appeared to me is that it is great there are these projects but none are intertwined, there is no communication between the youth workers and the police this communication was minimal at best and all the different agencies had different approaches to dealing with the problems at hand. This is great but what I want to know is why don’t they all work together, they all have the same goal; they want the young people off the streets so they hopefully are less involved in these 'gangs' the aim is to educate the young people who couldn’t cope with main stream education by putting them on vocational courses; but within this a youth worker was assigned to make sure the young person went. If that course wasn’t suited they would find another this youth worker was out in place as a kinda pastoral role to encourage and support the young person.

As the program showed there are many people of the older generation (by that I mean not of this gang and knife crime generation) who don’t understand, this isn’t just a problem for gangs but most young people, there was one women who proud fully explained that this year she had three young people put in prison for hanging out on the corner of her road (this was seen to her as anti social behaviour and they were issued as ASBO) the sad thing was when asked she couldn’t explain what they had done wrong, her response was "doing the things they do" “ as soon as they stepped foot around that corner I was watching and called the police, I don’t want that trouble”. This got me thinking and slightly angered (I know I wasn’t there so cant really make comment either way) but I think its all to do with lack of education the media has sent the country into a media frenzy all young people are going to mug you. This has been there for years I don’t need to expand, but I think if there was some kind of education for these people maybe one or two steps removed from this new culture they would understand a little more. If there were more community projects to show that not all young people are going harass you, that maybe people would see this generation in a different light. Don’t get me wrong I don’t like the fact Britain’s teenagers are perceived to all be in gangs and in some areas of the country more often than not they are but I don’t think we need to go straight in there are blow up a big stink about it more work something out from the inside, change perceptions rather than telling them they (the young people) need to change as we all know that doesn’t work. And why should they? If it can be controlled and managed no one gets hurt, were you dictated to you what you could and couldn’t do when you were a teenager?

Finally last bit, last year there was huge media coverage of the two young boys stabbed to death by their peers, this is a horrible loss of life and not justifiable at all but I just want to leave you with the thought: How many stabbing do you think there were in total last year (not by young people the total amount more than two?)? and does that mean we still have a huge child knife and gun problem?

Wow a crazy amount of stuff has happened since i last blogged, which seems like years ago...Right now i have finished college for good yay! i had my last exam on thursday boy am i looking forward to a gap in education it has slightly been doing my head in. Now it seems like a waiting game, to see if St Stephens offer me a place to see if my grades will get me into my first choice university or my second at that. its all very crazy so even though education has ended in one sence that i no longer have to go to lessons i still have all the stresses of the next year.

next note, unfortunately i didnt get offered a placement working with youth 180 which is a shame because i got on well with the team but still life goes on, thinking about it by the time i went into my interview i think they had already chosen the candidate as they didnt even ask me anything about working with young people. also a very random point about that day one of thr youth workers i met at the youthwork conference two years ago and at momentum last year, was one of the main team members, small world!
finally 18 Monday !i was thinking about all the 'fun' things you can do when your 18 as everyone makes such a big deal out of it and i was pretty disapointed, ok i can finally buy my own bottle of wine, i can make a bet (great !?!?) i can smoke (again great, if i wanted to i could have done that two years ago) oh and the final one i like but everyone has told me not to do it. Get a Credit card!?!?!?think of the lovely credit rating i would have at the end of it.

anyways over and out!

Question B how would you spend your life?

The following question is one I was given as part of my St Stevens application I thought I would post the answer but this one is slightly different ok quite a lot different by the ideas are the same, this is all a bit raw so some of it may not make sense I thought it I edited it, it would take something out of it a bit.


b. If you had no restraints of time or money, how would you like to spend your life?

If I had no restraints on time or money there are two main project I would love it set up, these two things I feel God has really put on my heart I juts feel at this point in my life its not appropriate. I also feel God has given me a passion (to coin the phrase) for the last least and the lost (personally I don’t like this phrase but I feel it best indicates how I feel in a brief way), I want to spend my time with the people no one else would even think of working with.
In this I have two main ideas of how I could do this, of course they are not set in stone and I don’t know the first thing about how I would go about them but these are the ideas I would develop into my life’s aims.

Firstly I want to set up a ‘church’ (ironic I know) for the spiritually battered and bruised the people who believed and attended church for a time however never fitted the mold and having had a negative experience of Christians, Christianity and church, the people who were left by the way side for what ever reason.(This is the lost). I feel that in today’s Christian culture is all about condemning people they have done wrong we must convert you to boost our church numbers and I hate it I really feel like you should spend your time protecting your existing flock if they are happy they in turn will show a positive refection of Jesus in their everyday lives. Many pastors measure the successes of the church on the attendance numbers the amount of money in the offering bucket each week or the amount of property their own (we aren’t playing monopoly) what ever happened to the days of letting God provide for you, if its of his work the resources will come. I think that the devil is playing a lovely little trick with churches as soon as they buy property they are no longer relying on God they are financially stable, you could put it down to changes in culture it can be put down to a number of things really.

(The last and the least) this ambition of mine is to be reflected in my youth work I feel there are too many young people who are deemed unworthy of support may they be the shy quite one that’s just plodding along therefore isn’t in need of help or the ones who no one wants to work with because they cause too much trouble; I would love it set up a youth group that caters for the needs around it, no strop to big, this in my mind will probably be in a deprived part of the country but at the end of the day that’s up to God and if its his work he will provide directions and the resources. Given the chance to this is how id spend all my life, may it be in the back seat later on watching the seeds I have sown blossom (yuck more cheese than the deli I have) or the front line where does it matter where I am if I’m doing Gods work, its not about personal gain so it doesn’t matter.

So how would you spend your life if you didn’t have constraints on time or money?

Mini posts

I haven’t blogged for ages so here are a few of the mini blogs that didn’t quite get finished due to huge lack of time.

Showers and baptism:

If Jesus had had a shower to his disposal would be have baptised people using that as it is a more effective way of washing, if you use than thinking that being dunked is like a bath. As well as this is know that a baptism is a public display of your commitment, but public is any number over two people… would it be deemed acceptable to do it in front of say three close friends/family members?


Books and Glasses:

It has got to the sad state lately that I find it hard to read a book without my glasses yes that does mean I have ‘readers’…but I have been reading a book I have had on my book shelf for ages. “What every volunteer youth worker should know” by Danny Brierley. I have quite enjoyed reading it. It has had some thought provoking points made not that I can find it at this precise minute (my pencil marks have failed me) but there is a point in the book that says it’s a youth leaders role to encourage the young people to challenge the status quo of the church, to encourage them to question and change things as it points our they are the next generation and without this change church would have never have changed.

Sociology and religion:

After a lot of change my sociology coursework became about young men and women’s views on religion. Having started this study I have decided I don’t like it. Its very interesting but its making me look at the darker side of religion especially Christianity, as much as I am the first to pick holes in something some people are worse than me. I have been made to pick out the oppression of women in the bibles turns out that I have been reading it with a very closed minded approach, I think in future I will think twice before picking a subject I enjoy too much…

The last, the least and the lost.

The last, the least and the lost.

I'm not sure i like this phrase very much but i do like the thinking behind it. It's something that is on my heart a little bit. For some reason i enjoy working with the people that are hard work, (don't hold me to that) the ones that need the extra help. Back to the point its a short but simple one that brings up more questions than it does answers.

Being a Christian youth worker are your really doing this? (working with the last, the least and the lost?) my thinking behind this is because you are always or 90% of the time working with the found? or are they lost in another respect? let me know what you think it really does interest me!

Is bullying a vital part of a child's development?

Is bullying a vital part of a child's development?

I was in the car the other day talking to Dave about children and the major milestones in their life's. The point was brought up that most children are bullied. Does this key point in their life actually mold the person that they become? Thinking about this in a bit more detail i was thinking about how these children reach. The small outcome i came to was two incredibly stereotypical ideas that when a child is bullied they either retreat into them selves and become a very shy keeping their head down at all costs doing anything not to draw attention to them selves. Or they become loud and and outspoken challenging what is happening to them sanding up for themselves (if they are getting anywhere or not).
Is this the key point in your life when you either come out of your shell or hide. For the children that stand up for them selfs is this when they gain self confidants and start to find them selves? What it made me think about is the children who don't ever get that one boost of confidence it takes to stand up for them selves, the children and young people that need that little bit of extra help, what happens to them? do these children become down trodden young people and adults with low self esteem and lack self worth? i just found it quite interesting. How does being bullied effect a child's mental and social development? or does it not, it is always said that being bullied 'scares you for life' I'm sure you can remember being bullied and if you weren't you were lucky, you probably had another pivotal point in your life...
I'm finding this really hard to put into words and it may not make much sense if it doesn't I'm sorry I'm not gifted in putting my thoughts into words!

Grapevine....

Since the last post alot has happened, Dave and i went to Grapevine which was amazing i just love seeing God move and work in such unthinkable ways it just completely stops me in my tracks. This year it was eventful for me but unfortunately not so much in the same way, i had an evil cold for some nasty reasons that i am NOT talking about ever again i was quite violently sick and i spranned my wrist 'catching' someone (i still can't catch may it be person or ball i just cant do it)and the funniest bit of all was me loosing my voice, but despite this i had a great time and again have come back looking forward to next year(if not for the meetings and the kids but to find granny again(see picture) teehee). i also haven't come back with any crazy plans this year which i'm sure Jon will be relieved at.
Then we went up to see Pete and Ali for a few days which was great, sometimes it's just nice spending time with someone without the need to be somewhere or do something, we could all just enjoy being with each other. I would love to go on holiday with a load of friends where there is no TV no internet and we have to get back to our old skool roots and talk and play stupid little games.
Talking of games we had a great Chinese buffet in which a genius game was born, eating jelly with chopsticks! immense!
Well here starts the beginning of the rest of the next few months, i have the children and youth leaders meeting tomorrow and work then coursework and finding a gap year and uni, then back to college so sorry if i am a bit tired when i next see you.

General update

This week one of the English teacher that Dave works with walked out on her class because of the short notice i was asked to step in. teaching 12 French students English isn't as bad as it sounds. As well as that this week i got my AS results i got D,C,C which I'm quite happy about i just have another year to go now. oh and finally i think i have found a university i like the look of, Newport in Wales.
My plans for this coming week are finish teaching then head up to Grapevine and then Pete and Ali's which should be good.

Life for a few weeks...

I haven't blogged in a while so this is generally a catch up firstly sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors in the last post it was written on my phone and at this time probably didn't care.
My life lately has seemed really busy but not much has happened. I am now free of college for 6 weeks woo! Apart from results day on the 16th. My driving lessons are going well but yet cant ever see myself driving there are so many things to remember all at once especially on roundabouts! but never mind i will get there one day. Things at Sainsbury's are pretty rubbish i really don't know why i am still working there, the rubbish i have to put up with is stupid. i think i just clash with the way in which the company works or well the management. i don't know but i don't like being blamed for things i haven't done or just generally being sworn at... somethings don't change i suppose.
What else has happened... well i have been trying to sort out some ideas for my gap year, this has been more hassle than its worth, i know what i want to do i just don't know where or how i want to do it, some of the things that i have seen are more about training is it wrong of me to just want to be thrown in at the deep end. i am aware this is quite (well very) demanding of me, but i know what i want to do its just a matter of finding somewhere that will suit me, and thats the difficult bit.
Oh i have remembered something else, the joys of sitting and reflecting on life. While Dave was having his interview at the church the other day i send a while just walking down the beach, i know its not the most direct route to the rustiest of all villages but it made a change, so i took the time just to reflect i ended up sending about 45 mins just sitting on a rock, listening to music watching spending time just thinking, but it was amazing i strongly recommend just taking maybe an hour out of a week just to sit, with nothing around you just to think pray and reflect i was great.
Well that's quite a long rant but thats it... and hopefully it wont take me as long to post next time.

Years months days hours seconds...

Today it has been2years since me and dave told everyone we were together.i was thinking about it and its all quite crazy.a 2years is a very long time and b how great it is in general that two people so different can get on so well and understand the other person to such an extent an exchange of looks can tell you whats on their mind. I dont know i just think its really cool that we are both as happy as ever and can continue to have as much fun as we did have! :)

catch up

Last night i woke up at about 2.30 and made a random connection, if you call your friends and family your rock does that mean that in the song Almighty God by Tim Hughes, it says "if we did not praise the rocks would cry out" could this technically mean if we don't give our lives to God our Christian friends (our rocks) would cry out? Random thought ay? lol.

On other stuff life is a bit busy at the moment it's coursework time of year which i always bad, and i have to write my personal statement which is equally just as bad, its really difficult to big your self up to the extent the teachers want you too there is only so much talking out your bum you can do. I'm going to book my first driving lesson when BSM ring me back. And finally i have to create a film for B and E week at college that is going to be funny! teehee!

Egg Box Post

A while a go i wrote all over a small chocolate egg box, these words were of encouragement and love (mainly love). This is one of my random pieces of "art" work.
This box when i gave Dave it was bright purple. Over time the box has faded and changed into a pale plain gray box, but once opening it it revealed that bright colour it once was. Me and Dave started talking about the significance of this box after talking about it for i while i went home. It got me thinking, does love really ever fade? When it appears dark, faded and washed out on the outside is it still on fire somewhere deep inside. I don't think that love ever does fade (this may make me naive?maybe) i believe there is always that spark no matter how long it has been since it was seen. I just may be hidden beneath a layer of issues, but i think every relationship that has truly experienced love there is always something to work at.
And there i started to think about the interference of the sun, the interference of any other person or people in the relationship. If that box had been left out of the sun it may have not faded or certainly not as quickly, is this why relationships fade so quickly especially the ones in the public eye ? The box is never opened... they never rediscover why they fell in love in the first place...

Birthday Surprise

Yesterday, Dave took me to london for the day with me not quite knowing what was going to happen. We jumped on the train (and quite a few hot, smelly tubes) and had a magnificent day.

We started by going to Tate modern where my phrase for the day was "Grow some culture man!" I was a bit disappointed that there was no big slide. From there Dave took me to a lovely restaurant where we had dinner overlooking the Thames, we then re-crossed the Millennium bridge (but I couldn't make it sway, no one told me that they fixed it :-( ). Then we went and had look at St. Paul's and promptly jumped back on a hot train (yuck! I hate the tube) and went to my surprise destination

//cue music that build suspense//

We walked down Dury Lane (but couldn't find the muffin man, or even a muffin - that's my childhood dreams shattered), ohohoh... I managed to majorly embarrass Dave by singing "Have you seen the muffin man." Rock and Roll! We had a look round Covent Garden, all the little boutiques, and then finally too my surprise....

//cue drum roll//

THE BLUEMAN GROUP

Ahhh, it was so amazing, I really really really recommend it. We sat in the first four rows with amazing views of the Blue men. I think one of the best bits was at the end when they pulled our huge amounts of (recycled) loo roll over our heads, and I got scared by a Blue man grrr...we jumped on a few trains home, only to find Stuart Bellamy at Victoria station (who was "going to the pub" teehee). We even managed to grab some chips and got to Slam before it started.

One intense, but hugely amazing, day!

PS. This post has been guest edited by Dave, because Rosie doesn't like his keyboard!

Conversations and Views

Last night at work i was having a conversation with someoneand somehow we got from talking about Nijas to relationships and in this sex in relationships i dont quite know how it happened but it made me realise how it must be being in an 'active' relationship and the insecurities that come along with it.while we were talking about this he asked about me and Dave his reaction was "why is he with you if he is not getting any?what does he see in you?" nice ay ? after we talked about this he was saying he has never been in a relationship where he KNEW she was with him for him. i just thought this was really sad. society has changed so much that i have become the one being looked upon as sad not him, i think there is something wrong there.

PEZ

i am outraged i got some PEZ and its nothing like i remember it doesn't even shoot them out anymore.:( what is this world coming to?
i got my provisional woo the streets are no longer safe well as of the 23rd of June :P im excited !!!!broom broom!
finally monkey update i finally had my monkey wars and there isn't anything more i could ask for in a monkey:)

Oh and Ben i emailed the other Mars Hill, thank you! i'm just waiting a reply!

My one o'clock post

Last night i couldn't sleep(whats new)so decided to write a blog post in the dark at one this morning...(it sound and can be taken in quite a depressing way but is not meant to be)
Recently i have realised that nothing in my life is permanent, after finishing my A levels i don't HAVE to do anything, nothing is set in stone i can do almost anything i want to(depending on my braces may mean i cant travel)
With this in mind i have been thinking a lot about where I'm going to take my life and where it will lead me. it came as a revaluation to me at about half one that there is no point worrying and thinking about it give it to God he will deal with, open doors, close others and give me true direction to my life the way HE planned it not my way.
As i was thinking and praying about it i got that awful feeling you get when you know something you have been trying to ignore has come back. for ages now i have had that horrible feeling i am being poked into something. The church... i don't know what in the church but a church somewhere... which i think is quite ironic considering my views on the church and womens roles in the church.ha !
but the reason i am publishing it is to ask you to pray about it for me, and in the words of Dave "pray where your spirit guides you". this is quite a scary thing for me I'm giving the rest off my life to what i feels is right no plans no nothing. so please pray and let me know...(just in case 'm really ignoring what is really trying to be said) Thank you

Email to Mars Hill

A few months ago i had a very vivid dream about a gap year, in a church called Mars something, i had this dream again a few nights ago, so i decided to email Mars Hill, the worse they could do was confirm the details in my dream. At the time of having the dreams i thought it was a bit strange as i don't generally remember them, but this dream was really vivid like i said i was at a church called Mars something and was greeted by a women called Karen, this woman had long blond wavy hair, who started talking to me on a red sofa.. its strange what you remember. But i got an email saying that they don't run gap year internships and didn't know of a women called Karen. Which put an end to that one...

Driving and my monkey

OK lets tall about the most important bit first my monkey i got an email today to say he has just been sent so the long wait is almost over.


Secondly driving... well in about a month i will legally be able to drive so Dave said he would let me have a drive of his car, it was in his garden don't worry. but i have decided that driving is slightly harder than it looks! it may take me a while before i pass so your roads are safe for a bit.lol
Just to add to that i spent another half hour driving again and maybe its not so hard as long as you do things systematically. check gears, turn on, clutch 1st hand break go! not as easy as one two three but close...

identity

Today I saw a advert encouraging young people to make a film about their identity, it got me thinking can we really sum up our identity. 4 photos to say who you are from your existing iphoto library.what are yours?

Exams, stress and opportunities.

Why is it that went you don’t have time to think you brain wont turn off? Recently I have been stressing about my exams and work and everything else, ask Dave he will tell you.
(It’s a bit of a mumble but I cant be bothered to make it make sense (the post that is) so you can make what you want form it).


My exams start on Monday with an ICT one 15 flipping hours! As its been pointed out to me I cant stay quiet for 15 minutes, 15 hours is a joke! Never mind there is a first for everything. Because of these exams the silliest little things are stressing me out like work. I have had a week off this week and now don’t want to go back to be honest I really dislike it there, so I applied for a new job which I don’t think I will get because of my age but what is the harm in trying the worst thing that can happen is that I stay at Sainsbury’s for a bit longer. So I have had that to think about but I have been mainly thinking about university and where I’m taking my self, I would love to do a theology degree but I cant quite bring my self to do that because I am not sure it would take me anywhere so I’m going to take youth work and theology or a degree in youth ministry. But before this I’m going to take a year out shadowing someone hopefully I have no idea where or who with but I think its will be a great experience (if I can leave the country stupid braces).
With life now I feel as if I’m dangling, I have stopped climbing my mountain, I want to get back on but have so many things to do it’s a bit crazy, every time I start to climb I fall off only a little higher than I started. It’s a bit frustrating and I don’t feel I’m getting anywhere im not getting any better or any further I haven’t changed even though I have put effort into improving. I have so many opportunities that could be grabbed and many that don’t arise for example no college in the local area does theology or RS as a course, would love to do it but cant. Do you ever feel like you have been trying but aren’t a help and you just hindering people or annoying them.
I suppose if I cant see positive effects on the surface I don’t think they are going very well for example Slam’s worship because I cant see the young people engaging it doesn’t seem to be effective, maybe its harder to get people out of this view that music is the only way, maybe I was being naive and that changing the way a small group of 30 think will somehow effect and change the way other people think and it boils down to my silly little view that all worship in a group environment (as it is a lifestyle choice) shouldn’t be singing, singing is great but why is it the only way and why don’t people see that its not, sometimes it feels a bit like I am the only one who thinks this. Ah someone switch my mind off and stop me thinking… I think worship is my little niggley bit that bugs me don’t get me wrong singing is great just not all the time, it may be because I’m a doing person I like to fiddle, give me a bit of blue tack and a song to sing I would be content do it for hours but I need that extra activity to keep me engaged I have a short attention span…(grr my blog posts again going on about worship and moaning! I’ll stop.)
Well any way exams stress and opportunities will a bit of added moan on the side…

Out with Jim-Bob!

oh i love it!im such a kid, i have to do all the actions and everything! i had a great time as always but this time me and Dave came up with GIG GAG BINGO! because Jim makes so many predictable jokes we decided on Saturday when we go next we are going to put it in a bingo board and play throughout the gig the winner with a full house has to shout at the top of their lungs "YES LORD!" its going to be so great.
On other news my exams start sometime next week joy of joys and i have the week off work woo, which means i can leave all those problems alone for a week, i really need a new job, to finally get rid of my boss and the purvey security guard.till next time!

Rest of my last post

[post was too long for my phone] to feeling ill.oh im getting glasses which i dont like either and my boss just yelled at me for clocking out literally 1min early and being shot timed 30mins for it as well as telling me my selfish.i cant see the good in it its either just been two really bad days or i need to open my eyes and look at whats happening around me.my annoyances seen so small when looking at the things other people face but it feels so negative.monday attitude problem tuesday selfish.wednesday?

Why is it when your having one of those weeks its so hard to see the positive side of it. I know that most of the things to happen in the last few days are tiny but boy can they make you feel low.
It started by my ict coursework becoming coding for some reason and losing that then to my ict teacher saying i have an attitude problem which i cant see but am trying to improve anyway.then to missing work and getting a cool from my store manager because i had got my weeks confused think i was on holiday...

Back to what i call "life"

One week later i have finally got back to normal life after the week that was Spring Harvest. it was a great week i finally came made friends with the microphone i have learnt not to be too bossy and that i need to learn how to tell someone to shut up ! it was a great 5days and i would continue doing it for another week if i had my own bed and my own food i really enjoyed it and woo our offering came to over £1500! yay :D other than SH i have spent a week doin my own hing while dave was away and now that it is friday i have realised that i whould have been doing a report this week so instead of the end of my holiday being nice and relaxing getting ready for college i will be writing reports how fun! oh and at some point i need to train for race for life or i will die doing around the track!

ps for Dave i am happy with my life no matter what the name implies! Thank you!x

Blank Canvas

Blank canvas, my dad always used to tell me that a blank canvas killed a painter, the first thing you do when you are painting it to cover the white. For some reason I was thinking about this morning, it might have been while I was colouring in a sheet of paper but I don’t know. It made me think do we view people as a blank canvas that can be highly influenced by our actions by the colour we paint them, the picture that their life will develop into. Are our lives a blank canvas? Or and we painted on already? I think everyone is born with a colour on them everyone has a different shade, and that it is our lives, the way we act and the people that we meet that influences our painting, we a constantly being repainted.

Thinking...

everyone thinks in different ways and everyone has ideas that are completely different to other peoples, but it sometimes feels like everyone follows suit, everyone has the same ideas and no other fresh ever happens. we get stuck in our ways it may be the way we act or live but we get stuck. why is it that no one ever has the balls to say what they really think? maybe deep down they want to change something, someone. But they cant, because we live in a world full of people who want to be liked, not stick out, be like anyone else, be included so therefore saying something radical that may rock the boat make you rethink doesn't happen. we get stuck in our ways. We should be moving constantly changing constantly, why dot we like change? OK it different but maybe it better than something predictable there is story of the vicar who wanted to move a piano but the congregation didn't want it to be moved, they didn't like change. so every week for 3 years he moved it an inch every Sunday until he had it where he wanted it. we are always changing even if we dot realise it. i want to be someone that changes things, maybe make someone look at something differently, maybe see the world I do for a change. It always feels that IM the only one thinking something. maybe that a problem with me but IM not changing it as far as IM aware IM going to use it to my advantage.

PG tips and Monkey

Sainsbury's is good for one thing.
You get a free monkey !have a look you can also buy them look! enjoy!

Jesus!

This post is for Tasha, she keeps saying Jesus so we now have this thing going on that every time she says it i shout at her "Christ was the son of God and he loves you"let this be a warning to you all i will actually do it i have done it in the middle of new look and trust me the odd looks dont bother me!
on another note my dad got me some new shoes out of the blue and my mum says i look like some one out of the Bay City Rollers i dont even know who they are? can someone tell me were they any good and is it a good thing to have shoes like them?
oh one more thing NEVER work for Sainsbury's!

Time

Time is such a burden in our lives we always have to stick to deadlines, some are good and some just make me stressed (like six pieces of coursework due in on one day). I feel that there are too many deadlines in my life not giving me the time to do things that I really enjoy, I want to take some more big steps in my life but don’t have the time, it really annoys me maybe I need to find some extra time from somewhere....
I like to be challenged (I know I moan about it but I do) I like to be pushed out of my comfort zone but I cant do that when I have a million and one other things to think about. This is why I’m looking forward to my year out, I’m still debating weather or not to go in the summer but the year out is definitely going to happen. Muskoka Woods has really been on my mind, 9 weeks is a long time and it would mean missing so much if I went, my AS results potentially packing in my job (not that I like it that much anyway) not being able to learn to drive for an extra two months no grapevine it's all about summing up what I’m going to do but in the end it all comes down to time I would have to do coursework out there as I will be missing three weeks of college, will I have time to do that my job and catch up on all the work I’m missing? I really don’t know...
Oh and another time comment stupid work don’t let you have the time off you were agreed grrr!

Attitudes

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes."
Attitude: Charles Swindoll

friends...

isnt it strange how we view life? the way we treat our friends the way they treat us, its amazing that everyone has an ability connect with someone within a few seconds of meeting some one, the way we interact with them. but why does society define what is right between friends? is it strange for a girl to have many guy friends but yet have no attraction to them. why is it that some people cant define what is too far an a friendship, some people have an inability to know what is right and wrong until then end up getting hurt. one of my friends recently has become too close, where if this was i guy i wouldn’t mind i could deal with that and at least there are people to gain advice from but i have an obsessive girl telling me she loves me and kissing me and just generally being strange with me, i have finally realised after 16years of my life and talking to many useless people that at the end of the day it’s a lot easier to be straight with someone (no pun intended) and be your self and let them get over it rather than making it in to a big deal. i suppose in the last few weeks i grew up im getting there slowly

Best of 2006

2006 was a tuff year but iv come out better the other side.
in 2006...
...me an Dave went to our first wedding as a couple teehee thanks Sam and Ben!

...i got my GCSE results

...i realised that no matter how shitty things get there is ALWAYS someone there for you and there is no point being a big strong man/woman about it and bottling it up

...my most life changing experience was grapevine it really opened my eyes

...me and Dave reached a year being together :D

...i went to my first conference (is that sad its in here???)

...my fave film was Over the Hedge

...my fave book was Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell it made me think

...fave CD was Snow Patrol Eyes Open

...fave website was myspace

That was 2006 but that doesn’t matter because 2007 is going to be bigger and better and we can all forget about 2006 because it is not history we cant relive it so wipe it out your pretty little head! :D

I’m getting into this whole blog thing, just write about random stuff I have realised that all my posts so far have been related to got or my faith in some way, I suppose that sums me up my life revolves around my faith, it sounds really sad but it does, when you meet me it may not come across like that but deep down it... I’m still stressing about church and what I’m going to do about that still worried about Heart of Worship, you know the saying "make all your mistakes in the church" at the moment it doesn’t feel like that the church is such an unforgiving place or that’s how its coming across, trying to set up this worship event I have faced so many problems, churches are worried that "my church" is trying to persuade their youth to leave there church, so some are very against it others I know if it goes badly will consider the church to be a failure, it will give the church a bad name and that is why Mr T is worrying about it. But at the end of the day what is he going to do? Stop it from happening? Surely that’s stopping someone from doing Gods work is it not? I don’t know I’m just worried that if I do mess up then no one will have the opportunity to do anything else. There is so much politics in the church its crazy! But mind you what is totally independent these days. How many things don’t have a time limit? How do you expect God to move in amazing spectacular ways if you say right you need to do your thing between 10:00 and 10:130?
I’m going off on one done read on if you don’t want I may bore you.
I think one thing in the church that needs to change is people turn up on a Sunday morning knowing exactly what is going to happen you sing you have a talk sing a little more then tea and coffee, maybe sometimes it needs to completely over the big guy, just turn around and say this is for you, have no sound system no band just a cd and praise let God work God is in the details make it so there are no distractions its you and him.is that not what its meant to be like? I know all churches have their own way of doing things but I think part of the main reason that we don’t see tens of people each week so touch by the holy spirit that they are crying or dancing or laying on the floor just out in it is because we are not expectant enough, when was the last time you sat in church and had a God moment? When was the last time more than a handful of people were prayed for? When was the last time some one out of the ordinary got up on stage and shared a word or picture? When was the last time you prayed? Or worshiped out side of church? Is God really the centre of your life? Of your pastors life? Of the church? Is it all about him or how many people you can get in the door or how much you can get in the offering? Just a few things to thing about....

Life

This is very strange I’m sitting in the staff room at work with me and all 6 of the managers at work writing this on my phone... that's my life at the moment being surrounded by people above me but that doesn't worry me,all I can think about is a conversation with Dave about the youth work conference earlier and all I really can think about is that statistic 82% of all the people in the bible who did big things were under 21that really sticks out to me somewhere it just stuck...isn’t it amazing how things words, facts get stuck in your head, and what things turn into. I’m one of the most strangest people to pick yet in January I’m running a worship event god has strange and wonderful plans and it looks like I’m involved but in a way they scares the bgeebers out of me! I suppose the only way I stay with it is surrounding myself with people who can help me and support me. All my friends who give me such laughs and fun and help take the stress away a bit, my amazing boyfriend Dave he is just my rock he'll talk things through with me for hours until I know what I’m doing and have things all right in my head, he is always there even if its for me just to freak out on and just have a cuddle he always makes me feel better! And there is Jon what can I say he has helped me through so much too he is one of those people who will go out of his way to help people, he is the reason Heart of Worship is up off the ground he helped me make sense of everything, he is juts great but in a different way to Dave of course. So thanks guys love you all to bits! x

here you asked to know what i was thinking!

Just been to church, Xmas special. you want me to go to church on a regular basis i can tell you know that's not going to happen. i really didn't like it. you know when you think mentally you have got over something but actually haven't i sat in that fall with a sick feeling all the way through it even though Dave was next to me all the time i felt so alone, there is so much pain attached to that hall and no matter how much i pray about it i cant get rid of that pain. 3 years worth of sitting on your own walking out before the end every week in floods of tears because your so called friends haven't even said hello and when you try to talk to them they have better things to do, when your parents have just split up you would have thought that the church would be the best place to be friendly faces, someone to lean on? really that's not how it welcomed me into its loving arms ... i can cope with allot, for example my history and dealing with my nans death but for some reason i cant get rid of this. i miss church i really do and stick me in another church in the county and ill be fine but stick me in ours and I come home feeling like a worthless piece of s**t and just want to sob and come on it tales allot for me to cry I don't do crying! But if I don't go Jon's balls are on the line and it possible means I have to stop Slam and Heart of worship. which makes no sense because surely that's stopping God's work is it not?
If I do go back and sit though the same stuff I did for 3 years I am so scared I wont be strong enough in I am faith to come out the other side...
And to be honest I believe I live a more ... Christian....life than some of the people who go to church on a Sunday morning, they sing a few songs that have no meaning nod off in the talk have a chat and a coffee and go home. does that make you a follower, a believer? does really spending a few hours in a hall make you a Christian? really? ill just let you think about that what is the importance of going to a building if you worship an a very personal level and you like it to be a you and God thing. ... does that make you a bad Christian?