Back to what i call "life"

One week later i have finally got back to normal life after the week that was Spring Harvest. it was a great week i finally came made friends with the microphone i have learnt not to be too bossy and that i need to learn how to tell someone to shut up ! it was a great 5days and i would continue doing it for another week if i had my own bed and my own food i really enjoyed it and woo our offering came to over £1500! yay :D other than SH i have spent a week doin my own hing while dave was away and now that it is friday i have realised that i whould have been doing a report this week so instead of the end of my holiday being nice and relaxing getting ready for college i will be writing reports how fun! oh and at some point i need to train for race for life or i will die doing around the track!

ps for Dave i am happy with my life no matter what the name implies! Thank you!x

Blank Canvas

Blank canvas, my dad always used to tell me that a blank canvas killed a painter, the first thing you do when you are painting it to cover the white. For some reason I was thinking about this morning, it might have been while I was colouring in a sheet of paper but I don’t know. It made me think do we view people as a blank canvas that can be highly influenced by our actions by the colour we paint them, the picture that their life will develop into. Are our lives a blank canvas? Or and we painted on already? I think everyone is born with a colour on them everyone has a different shade, and that it is our lives, the way we act and the people that we meet that influences our painting, we a constantly being repainted.

Thinking...

everyone thinks in different ways and everyone has ideas that are completely different to other peoples, but it sometimes feels like everyone follows suit, everyone has the same ideas and no other fresh ever happens. we get stuck in our ways it may be the way we act or live but we get stuck. why is it that no one ever has the balls to say what they really think? maybe deep down they want to change something, someone. But they cant, because we live in a world full of people who want to be liked, not stick out, be like anyone else, be included so therefore saying something radical that may rock the boat make you rethink doesn't happen. we get stuck in our ways. We should be moving constantly changing constantly, why dot we like change? OK it different but maybe it better than something predictable there is story of the vicar who wanted to move a piano but the congregation didn't want it to be moved, they didn't like change. so every week for 3 years he moved it an inch every Sunday until he had it where he wanted it. we are always changing even if we dot realise it. i want to be someone that changes things, maybe make someone look at something differently, maybe see the world I do for a change. It always feels that IM the only one thinking something. maybe that a problem with me but IM not changing it as far as IM aware IM going to use it to my advantage.

PG tips and Monkey

Sainsbury's is good for one thing.
You get a free monkey !have a look you can also buy them look! enjoy!

Jesus!

This post is for Tasha, she keeps saying Jesus so we now have this thing going on that every time she says it i shout at her "Christ was the son of God and he loves you"let this be a warning to you all i will actually do it i have done it in the middle of new look and trust me the odd looks dont bother me!
on another note my dad got me some new shoes out of the blue and my mum says i look like some one out of the Bay City Rollers i dont even know who they are? can someone tell me were they any good and is it a good thing to have shoes like them?
oh one more thing NEVER work for Sainsbury's!

Time

Time is such a burden in our lives we always have to stick to deadlines, some are good and some just make me stressed (like six pieces of coursework due in on one day). I feel that there are too many deadlines in my life not giving me the time to do things that I really enjoy, I want to take some more big steps in my life but don’t have the time, it really annoys me maybe I need to find some extra time from somewhere....
I like to be challenged (I know I moan about it but I do) I like to be pushed out of my comfort zone but I cant do that when I have a million and one other things to think about. This is why I’m looking forward to my year out, I’m still debating weather or not to go in the summer but the year out is definitely going to happen. Muskoka Woods has really been on my mind, 9 weeks is a long time and it would mean missing so much if I went, my AS results potentially packing in my job (not that I like it that much anyway) not being able to learn to drive for an extra two months no grapevine it's all about summing up what I’m going to do but in the end it all comes down to time I would have to do coursework out there as I will be missing three weeks of college, will I have time to do that my job and catch up on all the work I’m missing? I really don’t know...
Oh and another time comment stupid work don’t let you have the time off you were agreed grrr!

Attitudes

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes."
Attitude: Charles Swindoll

friends...

isnt it strange how we view life? the way we treat our friends the way they treat us, its amazing that everyone has an ability connect with someone within a few seconds of meeting some one, the way we interact with them. but why does society define what is right between friends? is it strange for a girl to have many guy friends but yet have no attraction to them. why is it that some people cant define what is too far an a friendship, some people have an inability to know what is right and wrong until then end up getting hurt. one of my friends recently has become too close, where if this was i guy i wouldn’t mind i could deal with that and at least there are people to gain advice from but i have an obsessive girl telling me she loves me and kissing me and just generally being strange with me, i have finally realised after 16years of my life and talking to many useless people that at the end of the day it’s a lot easier to be straight with someone (no pun intended) and be your self and let them get over it rather than making it in to a big deal. i suppose in the last few weeks i grew up im getting there slowly

Best of 2006

2006 was a tuff year but iv come out better the other side.
in 2006...
...me an Dave went to our first wedding as a couple teehee thanks Sam and Ben!

...i got my GCSE results

...i realised that no matter how shitty things get there is ALWAYS someone there for you and there is no point being a big strong man/woman about it and bottling it up

...my most life changing experience was grapevine it really opened my eyes

...me and Dave reached a year being together :D

...i went to my first conference (is that sad its in here???)

...my fave film was Over the Hedge

...my fave book was Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell it made me think

...fave CD was Snow Patrol Eyes Open

...fave website was myspace

That was 2006 but that doesn’t matter because 2007 is going to be bigger and better and we can all forget about 2006 because it is not history we cant relive it so wipe it out your pretty little head! :D

I’m getting into this whole blog thing, just write about random stuff I have realised that all my posts so far have been related to got or my faith in some way, I suppose that sums me up my life revolves around my faith, it sounds really sad but it does, when you meet me it may not come across like that but deep down it... I’m still stressing about church and what I’m going to do about that still worried about Heart of Worship, you know the saying "make all your mistakes in the church" at the moment it doesn’t feel like that the church is such an unforgiving place or that’s how its coming across, trying to set up this worship event I have faced so many problems, churches are worried that "my church" is trying to persuade their youth to leave there church, so some are very against it others I know if it goes badly will consider the church to be a failure, it will give the church a bad name and that is why Mr T is worrying about it. But at the end of the day what is he going to do? Stop it from happening? Surely that’s stopping someone from doing Gods work is it not? I don’t know I’m just worried that if I do mess up then no one will have the opportunity to do anything else. There is so much politics in the church its crazy! But mind you what is totally independent these days. How many things don’t have a time limit? How do you expect God to move in amazing spectacular ways if you say right you need to do your thing between 10:00 and 10:130?
I’m going off on one done read on if you don’t want I may bore you.
I think one thing in the church that needs to change is people turn up on a Sunday morning knowing exactly what is going to happen you sing you have a talk sing a little more then tea and coffee, maybe sometimes it needs to completely over the big guy, just turn around and say this is for you, have no sound system no band just a cd and praise let God work God is in the details make it so there are no distractions its you and him.is that not what its meant to be like? I know all churches have their own way of doing things but I think part of the main reason that we don’t see tens of people each week so touch by the holy spirit that they are crying or dancing or laying on the floor just out in it is because we are not expectant enough, when was the last time you sat in church and had a God moment? When was the last time more than a handful of people were prayed for? When was the last time some one out of the ordinary got up on stage and shared a word or picture? When was the last time you prayed? Or worshiped out side of church? Is God really the centre of your life? Of your pastors life? Of the church? Is it all about him or how many people you can get in the door or how much you can get in the offering? Just a few things to thing about....

Life

This is very strange I’m sitting in the staff room at work with me and all 6 of the managers at work writing this on my phone... that's my life at the moment being surrounded by people above me but that doesn't worry me,all I can think about is a conversation with Dave about the youth work conference earlier and all I really can think about is that statistic 82% of all the people in the bible who did big things were under 21that really sticks out to me somewhere it just stuck...isn’t it amazing how things words, facts get stuck in your head, and what things turn into. I’m one of the most strangest people to pick yet in January I’m running a worship event god has strange and wonderful plans and it looks like I’m involved but in a way they scares the bgeebers out of me! I suppose the only way I stay with it is surrounding myself with people who can help me and support me. All my friends who give me such laughs and fun and help take the stress away a bit, my amazing boyfriend Dave he is just my rock he'll talk things through with me for hours until I know what I’m doing and have things all right in my head, he is always there even if its for me just to freak out on and just have a cuddle he always makes me feel better! And there is Jon what can I say he has helped me through so much too he is one of those people who will go out of his way to help people, he is the reason Heart of Worship is up off the ground he helped me make sense of everything, he is juts great but in a different way to Dave of course. So thanks guys love you all to bits! x

here you asked to know what i was thinking!

Just been to church, Xmas special. you want me to go to church on a regular basis i can tell you know that's not going to happen. i really didn't like it. you know when you think mentally you have got over something but actually haven't i sat in that fall with a sick feeling all the way through it even though Dave was next to me all the time i felt so alone, there is so much pain attached to that hall and no matter how much i pray about it i cant get rid of that pain. 3 years worth of sitting on your own walking out before the end every week in floods of tears because your so called friends haven't even said hello and when you try to talk to them they have better things to do, when your parents have just split up you would have thought that the church would be the best place to be friendly faces, someone to lean on? really that's not how it welcomed me into its loving arms ... i can cope with allot, for example my history and dealing with my nans death but for some reason i cant get rid of this. i miss church i really do and stick me in another church in the county and ill be fine but stick me in ours and I come home feeling like a worthless piece of s**t and just want to sob and come on it tales allot for me to cry I don't do crying! But if I don't go Jon's balls are on the line and it possible means I have to stop Slam and Heart of worship. which makes no sense because surely that's stopping God's work is it not?
If I do go back and sit though the same stuff I did for 3 years I am so scared I wont be strong enough in I am faith to come out the other side...
And to be honest I believe I live a more ... Christian....life than some of the people who go to church on a Sunday morning, they sing a few songs that have no meaning nod off in the talk have a chat and a coffee and go home. does that make you a follower, a believer? does really spending a few hours in a hall make you a Christian? really? ill just let you think about that what is the importance of going to a building if you worship an a very personal level and you like it to be a you and God thing. ... does that make you a bad Christian?